Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
