is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
