White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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