I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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