so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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