the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm at about main and main street
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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