you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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