sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
