Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
