it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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