You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
