OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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