he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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