i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
