if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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