My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life without a bra equals bliss.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize