i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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