So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
