I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
