I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize