peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
