The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
