she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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