I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
