They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
