When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
