At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
