Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
