I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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