He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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