i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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