I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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