I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
