And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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