I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
