my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
