it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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