Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
