I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
