I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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