even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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