The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
