well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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