He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
