i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
