hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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