1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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