mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
