drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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