just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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