porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
