i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
