that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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