so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
