If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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