dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
