no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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