Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
