turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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