Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
