I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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