just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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