i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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