I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize