I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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